in this post, i’ll introduce you to the 5 best nonfiction books for singles based on facts, evidence and science.

i learned this past week that 11 november is singles’ day.

according to wikipedia, this is

‘a chinese unofficial holiday (…) that celebrates people who are not in relationships’.

i loved the ‘celebrating people who are not in relationships’ part so much, it inspired me to curate this list of books.

because reading these books helped me a lot.

i therefore hope and believe that they could maybe helpful to other people as well.

specifically not during a global pandemic.

and even less so with the holidays approaching.

so without further ado, let’s dive right in:

the first nonfiction book for singles that i can recommend is it’s not you by sara eckel.

(the picture is an affiliate link.)

if you’ve been single for a while, there invariably comes the moment when people feel they’re entitled to have an opinion on your relationship status and share it with you.

i am talking about the reason they believe you’re still single, the thing they think is wrong with you or advice on how to fix you.

because not only is it obvious that there has to be a problem, but also that that problem is you.

this is where sara eckel comes in.

having been single for a longer bit herself, she’s heard them all:

you’re too much of this, not enough of that and so forth.

so she decided to look into these reasons. one by one.

looking for evidence to support or dismiss them and ultimately found all of these reasons to be wanting.

as in they didn’t check out.

sara eckel is the only author on this list who isn’t a psychologist, therapist or medical doctor.

rather, she writes from personal experience all while citing numerous facts, studies and experts throughout the book.

and it shows.

because reading this book is like balm for a single’s soul.

the reason it resonates so much with a larger audience is because the reader instinctively feels that she’s been there.

so she’s the perfect person to address all these constant, subtle, and not so subtle, messages.

messages that you know are wrong, but that nevertheless leave their mark on you like the proverbial drip on stone.

the second nonfiction book for singles that i can recommend is rewriting the rules by meg barker.

(the picture is an affiliate link.)

these messages, however, don’t only exist around the topic of being single.

they accompany every aspect of love, sex, gender and relationships.

much like sara eckel’s it’s not you, rewriting the rules is about identifying how much of you think and believe is yourself.

and how much comes form the culture you live in.

ultimately though, meg barker takes this much further inviting the reader to focus on what it is they want and to make their own rules.

to do so, she provides them with a candid, open and well-meaning guide.

which is why meg barker decided to write what she calls an anti self-help book to deal with this myriad of contradicting cultural messages.

as a critical social psychologist, meg barker takes what the reader takes for granted on this topic and gives it whirlwind.

and makes you see love and relationships with different eyes.

having made the one or the other decision in this realm that was… let’s say… unexpected by society, i thought that i had a good inkling about how much society’s written and unwritten laws had an impact on me.

to which i say after having read the book : nope, i didn’t.

not specifically written for singles, rewriting the rules examines all aspects of relationships :

but what better moment to examine who you are, what you look for in romantic relationships, what expectations you place in a future partner and what you believe things should be, then the moment you are in now?

the third nonfiction book for singles that i can recommend is a general theory of love by t. lewis et al.

(the picture is an affiliate link.)

but let’s change gears from the cultural to the biological and move on the human brain.

due to new techniques of research, neuroscience has made tremendous leaps in the last decades.

which allowed neuroscientsts to identify the brain as the seat of love.

as you might expect from a book written by three psychiatrists, a general theory of love is the most dense and the one most difficult book on this list.

it remains, however, hugely readable mostly because it is so deeply fascinating:

they discuss our brain and emotions all through evolution and our brain patterns from childhood to adulthood.

and just how much of all this influences who we are and where we are at – relationship wise.

standing alone, a general theory of love might be good news for some people.

people with ‘healthy’ or ‘normative’ experiences in their lives, (specifically childhood) and therefore have ‘healthy’ or ‘unproblematic’ brain patterns.

it might, however, be less good news for people who experienced struggle in their childhood.

or whose experiences in life so far were less ‘picture-perfect’.

a lot of the underlying messages in this book felt like changing brain patterns was going to very hard and take a lot of time.

which is why i recommend you follow it straight up with the next book before all of this becomes too depressing.

the fourth nonfiction book for singles that i can recommend is rewire your brain for love by marsha lucas.

(the picture is an affiliate link.)

rewire your brain for love starts where a general theory of love ends : how to change your brain patterns.

in no way a sequel or even affiliated with the previous book, marsha lucas might focus on the same topic, but her tone of voice, messaging and writing couldn’t be different.

upbeat, positive and very accessible, lucas does cover the basics of neuroscience but takes it a step further into mindfulness.

one reason her book is so accessible is because she uses the metaphor of actual electric wiring throughout the book.

another reason, however, is that based on her 25 years experience as a therapist, she sprinkles stories of former patients into her storytelling.

like many therapists writing self-help books, she uses anonymised composite of patients to illustrate each part of the journey.

the fact these experiences ring more or less familiar make the book feel personal and…

sure, mindfulness is not a cure-all.

and like all of the books on the list, rewire your brain for love doesn’t provide a miracle solution.

but it does provide actionable, practical advice that might make you feel better about yourself and your future.

no matter what it holds.

the fifth and last nonfiction book for singles that i can recommend is how to be single and happy by jennifer taitz.

(the picture is an affiliate link.)

do five different books feels like to much an invest for you?

well, in that case, i recommend how to be single and happy by jennifer taitz.

it incorporates some the best aspects of the books on list in one place.

much like sara eckel, you know she has been there.

much like both sara eckel and meg barker, she covers how the messaging that comes from society, but also how comparing yourself to others, might be harmful and how to deal with this.

much like marsha lucas, she using examples form her personal practice to bring her messaging home and combines more traditional traditions of psychology with mindfulness.

and much like all authors on this list, her information and advice is both well researched and evidence-based.

from the husband (or partner) treadmill, to ruminating, to settling, to egg-freezing, to loneliness, she’s got you covered.

the information she shares and the way she shares it oftentimes made me feel calmer and optimistic.

even though i must admit that reading it a second time to make sure all of it really sinks in might not be the worst idea.

feedback

now, it’s up to you.

have you read the 4-hour workweek?

if so, do you agree with my sentiment?

if not, did this review help you to make a choice whether you should read it or not?

please let me know in the comments.

idealistically yours,
the simps