best 5 nonfiction books for singles

here are the best 5 nonfiction books for singles based on facts, evidence and science.

it’s not you by sara eckel

if you’ve been single for a while, there invariably comes the moment when people feel they’re entitled to have an opinion on your relationship status and share it with you. i am talking about the reason they believe you’re still single, the thing they think is wrong with you or advice on how to fix you. because not only is it obvious that there has to be a problem, but also that that problem is you.

this is where sara eckel comes in.

having been single for a longer bit herself, she’s heard them all. you’re too much of this, not enough of that and so forth.

so she decided to look into these reasons one by one looking for evidence and found all of these reasons to be wanting. as in they don’t check out.

all 27 of them.

sara eckel is the only author on this list who isn’t a psychologist, therapist or medical doctor, but writes from personal experience all while citing numerous facts, studies and experts throughout the book. and it shows because reading this book is like balm for a single’s soul.

the reason it resonates so much with a larger audience in my opinion is because the reader instinctively feels that she’s been there.

so she’s the perfect person to address all these constant subtle and not so subtle messages that you know are wrong, but that do at some point leave their mark like to proverbial drip on stone.

rewriting the rules by meg barker

these messages, however, don’t only exist around the topic of being single but accompany every aspect of love, sex, gender and relationships. much like sara eckel’s it’s not you, rewriting the rules is about identifying how much of you think and believe is yourself and how much comes form the culture you live in.

ultimately though, meg barker takes this much further inviting the reader to focus on what it is they want and to make their own rules. to do so, she provides them with a candid, open and well-meaning guide. which is why meg barker decided to write what she calls an anti self-help book to deal with this myriad of contradicting cultural messages.

as a critical social psychologist, meg barker takes what the reader takes for granted on this topic and gives it whirlwind. and makes you see love and relationships with different eyes.

having made the one or the other decision in this realm that was… let’s say… unexpected by society, i had this naive notion about myself that i had a good inkling about how much an impact society’s written and unwritten laws had on me.

to which i say after having read the book : nope, i didn’t.

not specifically written for singles, rewriting the rules examines all aspects of relationships : before, during, after.

but what better moment to examine who you are, what you look for in romantic relationships, what expectations you place in a future partner and what you believe things should be, then the moment you are in now.

a general theory of love by t.b. lewis et al.

but let’s change gears from the cultural to the biological and move on the human brain.

with new ways of research such as imaging techniques, neuroscience has made tremendous leaps in the last decades. which allowed neuroscience to zone in on our brain functioning and contradictory to the metaphor of the heart, identify it as the seat of love.

as you might expect from a book written by three psychiatrists, a general theory of love is the most dense and the one most difficult to read on this least. it remains, however, hugely readable mostly because it is so deeply fascinating:

they discuss our brain and emotions all through evolution and our brain patterns from childhood to adulthood, why we love and how we love, and just how much of all this influences who we are and where we are at – relationship wise.

standing alone, a general theory of love might be good news for people who had what are considered ‘healthy’ or ‘normative’ experiences in their lives, specifically their childhoods and therefore have ‘healthy’ unproblematic brain patterns.

it might, however, be less good news for people who experienced struggle in their childhood or whose experiences in life so far were less ‘picture-perfect’. even though the authors acknowledge that too much isn’t known yet to even have a valid theory of love and that yes, it is possible to change your brain patterns, a lot of the underlying messages in this book felt like this was going to very hard and take a lot of time.

which is why i recommend you follow it straight up with the next book before all of this becomes too depressing.

rewire your brain for love by marsha lucas

rewire your brain starts where a general theory of love ends : how to change your brain patterns.

in no way a sequel or even affiliated with the previous book, marsha lucas might focus on the same topic, but her tone of voice, messaging and writing couldn’t be different. upbeat, positive and very accessible, lucas does cover the basics of neuroscience, but after a short introduction takes it a step further into mindfulness.

one reason her book is so accessible is because she uses the metaphor of actual electric wiring throughout the book. another reason, however, is because based on her 25 years experience of as a therapist, she sprinkles stories of former patients into her storytelling.

like many therapists writing self-help books, she uses anonymised composite of patients to illustrate each part of the journey. the fact these experiences ring more or less familiar make the book feel personal and they make reader feel understood.

sure, mindfulness is not a cure-all, and like all of the books on the list, rewire your brain for love doesn’t provide a miracle solution, but it does provide actionable, practical advice that might make you feel better about yourself and your future.

no matter what it holds.

how to be single by jennifer taitz

do five different books feels like to much an invest for you?

well, in that case, i recommend how to be single by jennifer taitz as is incorporates some the best aspects of the books on list in one place.

much like sara eckel, you know she has been there.

much like both sara eckel and meg barker, she covers how the messaging that comes from society, but also how comparing yourself to others might be harmful and how to deal with this.

much like marsha lucas, she using examples form her personal practice to bring her messaging home and combines more traditional traditions of psychology with mindfulness.

and much like all authors on this list, her information and advice is both well researched and evidence-based.

from the husband (or partner) treadmill, to ruminating, to settling to egg-freezing to loneliness, she’s got you covered.

the information she shares and the way she shares it oftentimes made me feel calmer and optimistic even though i must admit that reading it a second time to make sure all of it really sinks in might not be the worst idea.